to be book smart
my ex had a standard. he needed a smart guy, not an intelligent one as he made it clear in one old message. his perception of intellectuality seemed to be black and white. so being smart for him was like street smart i suppose, and being intelligent, book smart. funny enough him being good at communication couldn't use his mother tongue's words to express the thing. too bad i've really wanted to become a book worn with theories and moral reasoning full in my head. it accumulated to why we would get separated. now i think my dream is about to come true as i'm sitting right here in front of the computer reading scientific literature for my master's thesis.
one of the ways i find people who love learning do, is to learn in order to know. i've been there, it was great. hysterically it turned out to be not that pleasant realizing that what i have learnt so far is actually debatable in some way. the materials spread out by whoever it is, teachers, writers, internet users, etc. always have room to be filled, even flaws to be corrected.
as knowledgeable as we can sound, a random ticktocker propagating so-called knowledge can just deliver the already paved stuff they saw somewhere. what can it make us any different than them?
book smart.
absorbing text in an analytical manner is definitely living in a different world. energy needed to be burnt, head prepared to be ached, nerves surely confused. at the end of the day, the soothing feeling of being superior to the one one was a few moments ago (and maybe, let's be honest, to one's ex) is just top.
my current bf doesn't really understand what i'm doing as a reader. that said, he doesn't complain that i am too intelligence inclined. i appreciate him for that. if you ask what i wish to become in the future, the 33-year-old man will tell you i want to be a great mind that is capable of expressing ideas philosophically in its true philosophical sense. And when i'm not appearing in that part of personality, the practical sense of real life can coexist.
may god bless you and me.