so-this-pain-will-go-fast
i am in a lot of denial now. i just want this pain to go fast. anything is just a game. i admit i confused. this is not what i wanted to do. god please help me.
anything will be alright. this is how it could be done. i wish evevrything could be done, just be done. that's it. perfection is not what i'm seeking. my mind forces me to be perfect. not what i want though.
what practice to drop the fear of not building things beauty? it's funny when people laugh at the saying my weak point is perfection. haha. it's true. it's real. how could they not realise it? have their mind ever forced them to drop things down because what they're trying to to will not be good enough? their mind will go frozen. forehead remains stiffs. their whole head will just tense. they have to leave their work away to seek for pleisure. this one makes them feel good for a moment. they'll forget just for the moment. that feeling of fulfilment coming up from the abdomen. that is not the kind of fulfillment which makes them feel satisfied. that's what people call anxiety.
it raises. actually i kind of like that raise. i just know it's what people call anxiety. i know i mess up when it raises anytime it wants. that's when you want to turn away from your work. you feel good for avoiding it. then you feel alful again.
sucks.